Song of Solomon 8:6-7 (Commitment)
“Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm, for love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD. Many waters cannot quench love, neither can floods drown it. If a man offered for love all the wealth of his house, he would be utterly despised” (Song of Solomon 8:6–7).
Commitment.
The word alone can cause great anxiety for many people, but why? Isn’t commitment a good thing? Shouldn’t we embrace commitment and esteem those who are true to their word?
Perhaps we struggle with commitment because past experiences have distorted our belief in it altogether based on the scars we bear to this day from broken trust.
No matter the reason, commitment is a non-negotiable essential for healthy, God-honoring relationships, especially marriage, because doubt and worry can easily spiral the mind into a valley of despair, isolation, and depression when trust is broken.
However, none of us are perfect. We all struggle with commitment to one degree or another because we break our covenant with the Lord each time we choose to sin. Therefore, this is a topic we should easily relate to because learning to commit is simply an extension of our faith journey as well.
Keep in mind, there is a stigma in our culture that men struggle with commitment. Countless articles tout men as the predominant weak link in relationships. However, is that necessarily true? If so, where does the problem lie and how can we fix it?
INHERITANCE:
What we experience growing up has a profound impact on who we are today, especially in a home where both parents are married to each other, living in the home, and actively engaged in teaching their children. Therefore, the example parents model (positive or negative) has a direct impact on future generations.
“Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God” (Ephesians 5:1–2).
Whether our parents are living or deceased, we’ve inherited far more from them than we realize. Consequently, who we are today is a reflection of their righteous behavior or sinful decisions, whether directly or indirectly.
Keep in mind, we ultimately own our decisions so we can’t blame our parents for our personal mistakes. Nonetheless, commitment is an area where influence and personal example plays a vital role in behavioral development.
For example, Jesus emphasized the importance of remaining true and committed to the words we speak in His teaching on oaths, Matthew 5:33-37, which I previously wrote about in my study of the sermon on the Mount.
“Again you have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.’ But I say to you, Do not take an oath at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. And do not take an oath by your head, for you cannot make one hair white or black. Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No’; anything more than this comes from evil” (Matthew 5:33–37).
If we’ve ever been the recipient of a broken promise, we understand the disappointment associated with empty commitments. However, when oaths are consistently broken and cannot be trusted, seeds of doubt begin to take root in our hearts.
We develop negative attitudes based on our personal experiences and question whether commitment is even possible. Sadly, far too many fathers, especially, have inflicted more damage than good on their children because of their poor example in this area.
Broken homes have also magnified the unwillingness of younger adults to commit to marriage out of fear they’ll fall victim to the same plight. That is why it is essential we learn from God’s Word and apply what Song of Solomon 8:6-7 teaches in order to create a new standard of love and righteousness in the home which will bless the next generation.
BIBLICAL MARRIAGE:
When a man and woman commit to love, honor, and cherish one another “till death do us part,” they are essentially sealing the fate of their relationship for eternity. Their hearts are forever intertwined and cut off from all other relationships which could potentially compromise their covenant commitment to each other and God.
That is why some wedding vows include the phrase, “forsaking all others,” because you are permanently removing yourself from the dating pool and rejecting any temptation to change your mind when you say, “I do.” In other words, your choice is made, your heart is locked, and your spouse is the only one who owns the key.
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24).
Where we fall into trouble is allowing relative truth to influence our decision-making. For instance, our world teaches that if you’re married, there’s no viable risk associated with maintaining relationships in any form with members of the opposite sex.
However, consider how easily a marriage commitment can be compromised when “innocent” behavior is justified as harmless. Unfortunately, this hypothetical scenario plays out in countless work environments on a daily basis and is a precursor for greater trials to come.
EXAMPLE (1-male and 1-female): Men and women can be friends, right? We’re both adults, so there’s nothing to worry about. We’re just two colleagues at work, having lunch together by ourselves. No harm done. It’s innocent and strictly professional. We work together and have to get along, so what’s the problem? Plus, it would be offensive to decline an invitation to lunch for no good reason. It’s not like we’re not doing anything wrong. It’s just two people eating lunch. That’s all.
This scenario is very real for some people. However, Scripture offers a very different perspective on the dangers of trusting our imperfect, personal judgment in relationships rather than the absolute truth of God’s Word.
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect. For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned” (Romans 12:2–3).
In other words, reject the world’s self-perceived wisdom and renew your mind with Scripture which is forever true. And also, reject the notion that men and women can just be friends, because from the beginning, men and women were designed for physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual connection—literally and figuratively.
GOD’S DESIGN:
Like two pieces of a puzzle, men and women fit together. We know this is true because physically, 1-man and 1-woman are designed to come together in covenantal marriage and enjoy one another sexually while producing offspring (Lord-willing) in their image and likeness. Therefore, the desire men and women have for one another is natural and intentionally designed by God when confined to the crucible of monogamous marriage.
“So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth’” (Genesis 1:27–28).
Moreover, because woman was made from the rib of man, figuratively speaking, she will always desire to be reconnected with her husband and vice versa. That is something we tend to overlook in the Creation story, but we know this to be true because God designed Eve to be the missing piece in Adam’s life.
“Then the LORD God said, ‘It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.’ So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, ‘This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man’” (Genesis 2:18, 21–23).
As I stated in my recent blog post, Free Marriage Counseling Advice, God could have created Eve from the dust the earth just as He did with Adam, but He chose differently. Why? Adam knew he was missing something. He just didn’t realize how God was going to fix the problem.
What’s interesting is that Adam had to sacrifice a part of himself to receive the gift of a soulmate (Song of Solomon 3:4) to spend the rest of eternity with. What a powerful testimony to what true love requires: Self-sacrifice.
“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth” (1 Corinthians 13:4–6).
Love that is demonstrated by self-sacrifice simply cannot be quenched, because self-sacrifice and humility are intertwined. They work in harmony with one another in submission to God, which helps us understand what Solomon meant when he spoke of the depth and breadth of unconditional love.
JEALOUSY:
Love is jealous, and the sooner we grasp that truth, the better off we’ll be. However, jealousy is not necessarily a bad thing if we consider it from a Biblical context. It simply comes down to perspective.
Culture filters jealousy through feelings of envy, bitterness, covetousness and resentment, giving it a negative connotation. Scripture also warns of the dangers associated with worldly jealousy, actually referring to God’s name as “Jealous.”
“For you shall worship no other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God” (Exodus 34:14).
“For the LORD your God is a consuming fire, a jealous God” (Deuteronomy 4:24).
Keep in mind, what makes God so jealous is that He refuses to share our heart’s devotion with any other false god or idol. Yes, He is possessive, but that should encourage our faith because His love is never-ending and unquenchable, just as Solomon alludes to in this passage.
“For love is strong as death, jealousy is fierce as the grave. Its flashes are flashes of fire, the very flame of the LORD” (Song of Solomon 8:6).
The same concept applies to our marriages. Jealousy should affirm our commitment to one another, not promote insecurity and lack of trust. Therefore, our wives must know we are determined to never allow anyone or anything to drive a wedge of dissension in our marriages, and that we’re on guard at all times in prayer for God’s continued protection and in thanksgiving for His abundant blessings.
For the enemy will stop at nothing to draw our hearts away from the protection of God’s Word and question its validity, to make us think we can survive on our own apart from the Lord’s grace and mercy and abandon our first love.
“Now the serpent was more crafty than any other beast of the field that the LORD God had made. He said to the woman, “Did God actually say, ‘You shall not eat of any tree in the garden’?”” (Genesis 3:1).
BOTTOM-LINE:
Song of Solomon 8:6-7 offers a bold picture of what true, life-long commitment looks like in marriage. The question is whether we’ll heed its warnings or rely on our own understanding of what we think love and commitment should look like instead.
What we must remember, though, is commitment is a two-way street. Therefore, we must do our part and ensure our hearts are fully devoted to the Lord—worthy of our wife’s trust and commitment as well.
For it is a honor and privilege for a woman to pledge her life to a man in holy matrimony, and we are wise to recognize how precious a gift that truly is by passionately devoting ourselves to becoming the Godly husbands they deserve “till death do us part.”
“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD” (Proverbs 18:22).
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