WHY MEN CHEAT

“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous” (Hebrews 13:4).

Is the grass “greener” on the other side?

Far too many men have asked themselves that question, falling victim to the “greener grass syndrome.” However, is cheating a universal problem for men?

The truth of the matter is ALL men cheat whether we realize it or not. The key is not compartmentalizing cheating as merely extramarital, sexual intercourse, but focusing our attention on remedying WHY MEN CHEAT rather than arguing whether we’re indeed guilty or not.

Keep in mind, cheating is far more invasive in the heart and mind and stretches well beyond the boundary lines of adultery as we know it.

It is truly a spiritual cancer of moral compromise whereby we dismiss sound judgment and the consequences of our actions by yielding to selfish cravings in thought or deed.

Cheating is an act of submission to our flesh, and we are wise to recognize how, when and where we’ve waived the white flag of surrender and abandoned our moral obligation to love, serve and protect our families.

NOTE: My recent blog post, HOW MEN SHOULD TREAT WOMEN, helps explain why PROTECTION is so critical in the home.

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REFLECTION: Am I Really Cheating?

For those who’d argue they’re not guilty of cheating in any way, let us consider one of the most convicting lessons Jesus ever taught.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. For it is better that you lose one of your members than that your whole body go into hell” (Matthew 5:27–30).

Jesus took personal accountability to a whole new level when He equated lust of the eyes to adultery. Granted, we may be able to manipulate others from knowing our heart’s motivation when our eyes wander, but God knows all and sees all. Nothing is hidden from His sight.

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it? ‘I the LORD search the heart and test the mind, to give every man according to his ways, according to the fruit of his deeds’” (Jeremiah 17:9–10).

Therefore, we cannot assume we’re without fault and exempt from committing adultery when our eyes lustfully begin to wander. For when our tempestuous thoughts transition from acknowledgment to consideration, spiritual amputation is not only necessary, but required.

However, justification is a weapon the enemy has perfected since the Garden of Eden to bait us into thinking more highly of ourselves than we ought and question God’s Word.

Satan knows if he can plant a seed of deception in our hearts, it’s only a matter of time before that seed takes root and impairs our judgment without us even realizing.

“Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death” (James 1:12–15).

Temptation is a slippery slope and we must accept full responsibility for our actions when we reject God’s sovereign plan and provision in exchange for worldly pleasures.

He provides a way of escape to protect us from hurting ourselves and those we love, but the choice is ours whether we accept His help or not.

Keep in mind, there is nothing inherently wrong with enjoying the pleasures of life, but there are consequences of actions which directly impact the condition of our hearts when we long for what we don’t have and dismiss what we do have (God’s provision) as insufficient or unsatisfactory.

UNDERSTANDING: Why Am I Discontent?

If we peel back the onion, we’ll likely find layers upon layers of comparisons strategically positioned as strongholds around our heart fueling discontentment.

Comparisons are dangerous because they shift our perspective away from what we have to what we want. Granted, they can be positive, but more often than not, they bait us into craving more, hungering different, and ultimately seeking fulfillment elsewhere.

Keep in mind, popular culture teaches that variety is the spice of life, therefore accumulation is necessary to achieve happiness and contentment. The problem, though, is accumulation (physical or experiential) only fuels greater longing and discontentment.

Simply consider two of the biggest pain points in most marriages, sex, and money, and how comparison fuels the desire for more rather than contentment in God’s provision.

“Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you’” (Hebrews 13:4–5).

When comparison gives birth to discontentment, accumulation is the world’s answer to the problem. However, how have addictions such as adultery, pornography, alcoholism, substance abuse, gambling, or workaholism, ever been righteous solutions to achieve contentment?

“But godliness with contentment is great gain, for we brought nothing into the world, and we cannot take anything out of the world. But if we have food and clothing, with these we will be content.” (1 Timothy 6:6–8).
“But those who desire to be rich fall into temptation, into a snare, into many senseless and harmful desires that plunge people into ruin and destruction. For the love of money is a root of all kinds of evils. It is through this craving that some have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many pangs” (1 Timothy 6:9–10).

Simply accumulating more or different solves nothing because one slave master is exchanged for an even greater one, spiraling a man deeper into blame-shifting, denial and justification of his sin. That is why the key to survival is through self-recognition. However, freedom is only made possible if we’re determined to stop living for ourselves, surrender to God’s authority, and obey His Word instead.

“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others. Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 2:3–5).

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APPLICATION: How Do I Fix The Problem?

WHY MEN CHEAT is not difficult to wrap our minds around when we stop and think about it. We’re selfish in nature, therefore we naturally cater to our flesh before we yield to the needs of others. However, that is why the sacrifice of Jesus Christ made is so remarkable.

Think about it. God in His infinite grace and mercy provided a far better option for us to overcome sin, a way of escape, if we would humble ourselves, completely own our decisions, repent of our mistakes, and accept the consequences of our actions.

He already paid the price and bore the wrath of our sins upon Himself to pay our debt. Why then would we ever choose to reject His free gift of salvation, peace and contentment in favor of self-preservation? It makes no sense.

“Therefore let anyone who thinks that he stands take heed lest he fall. No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it. Therefore, my beloved, flee from idolatry” (1 Corinthians 10:12–14).

Cheating does not have to be the default decision we make when stress, fatigue, laziness or boredom envelop our minds and distract us from being the selfless men God calls us to be.

Scripture warns, “Every way of a man is right in his own eyes, but the LORD weighs the heart” (Proverbs 21:2). Therefore, will our hearts be identified by the scarlet letter of guilt, shame and regret, or will we embrace new life in Christ and live for His will rather than our own?

“For the wages of sin is death, but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Romans 6:23).
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come” (2 Corinthians 5:17).

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BOTTOM-LINE:

Unfortunately, countless men have chosen to destroy themselves, their marriages, and their families by gambling everything they hold dear on the promise of a mirage.

Esau made that mistake selling his birthright for a meager bowl of soup (Genesis 25:29-34), and we likewise emulate his foolishness when we reject the notion that we’re guilty of cheating those we love daily.

The problem is cheating promises an oasis of happiness, but does absolutely nothing to quench a man’s thirst.

Regrettably, many of us bear the scars of poor decisions which prove this to be true, yet countless men have and will continue to justify their sinful actions in hopes of finding happiness and contentment apart from God.

Keep in mind, cheating seems insignificant when we minimize its impact, but even the slightest lapse in judgment can have grave consequences.

Far too many broken homes plagued by divorce can testify to the destructive power of lust and idolatry. Therefore, the remedy for cheating comes down to contentment in Christ alone as our ultimate sufficiency and provision this side of heaven.

For without Jesus and the power of His Word, we are destined for personal failure and inevitable destruction. But with Him, we are empowered to live extraordinarily for His glory and not our own.

No man is held in bondage to his flesh against his will. Rather, we CHOOSE whom we will ultimately submit to and obey: God or self.

“Now therefore fear the LORD and serve him in sincerity and in faithfulness… And if it is evil in your eyes to serve the LORD, choose this day whom you will serve... But as for me and my house, we will serve the LORD” ( Joshua 24:14–15).

The question is: What choice will you make?